tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30241934.post115653158999412782..comments2007-04-07T16:31:28.862-07:00Dissertationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10769933541359170781noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30241934.post-1157373069468206072006-09-04T05:31:00.000-07:002006-09-04T05:31:00.000-07:00I know what you mean about the twist in the tale, but tbh I didn't know myself how I was going to end this. It may seem obvious now, but I didn't think of her leaving him until I was about 3/4 of the way through the story. (I reckon I'm just a bit slow on the uptake ...)<BR/><BR/>Maybe she comes back to this weird Carmen/Withnail scene of squalor and flowers and we see it through her eyes, moving up the stairs, encountering that horrible sweet stench of rubbish mingled with roses and coming in to find him snoring in the unmade bed after yet another night on the piss - sort of comical and despicable all at once.<BR/><BR/>Only problem I would have with that is the sudden shift in viewpoint, but maybe I could make it work. Someone else suggested that the thing he's trying to forget is a dead prostitute he's left in the bathtub, but that may be a bridge too far - I might get desperate, mind ...Dissertationhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10769933541359170781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30241934.post-1157282736801982062006-09-03T04:25:00.000-07:002006-09-03T04:25:00.000-07:00So I think this is my favourite so far - loved the flower market setting - always been curious about such trade markets - and I really liked the character at that point in his life when he's sort of between two worlds. The only question I'd ask - and I guess this is pretty fundamental - do you need the she's-left-him ending? I'm not a big fan of reveals, and so clenched my teeth a little at the last paragraph - for some reason it made the story - and the character - slightly less complex for me. I think you could somehow suggest the relationships's doomed without having her having already out the door?<BR/><BR/>One other thought - Nicholas - who is he? He comes out of nowhere, and returns just as quickly - I think you could happily make Pete the only man in the flower arranging group...BenylinDreamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07277516801146178002noreply@blogger.com